Open computer to work on the discord server you’re creating.
The browser is still open to your website; think about the things that still need to be done to the website. Open the products list. Realize you need to write things down or you’ll get sucked into doing one of the them and everything else will be forgotten.
Grab notebook; it’s still open to last night’s notes and this morning’s notes about what needs to be done to launch the Feral Book Club. Add to those notes. Think of something the Discord server needs. Like a second server, for example. Write that on a new page because you’re Trying To Stay Organized. Think about what topics should go on what platforms because HEAVEN FORBID you focus on one damn thing. Or one category of things, even.
Remember you’re working on products. Write down “add pagan stuff” to the website to-do list.
Realize your joint went out and it’s stuck on your lip. It’s a roach now. Put it in the ashtray, but with the hot side down so you can smoke the rest later without touching ash.
Sneeze.
Sneeze again. Dammit, you’re going to have to use your allergy nasal spray. You hate nasal sprays. Walk to your bedroom where your nasal spray is. Notice that the skin on your hands feels dry. Go to the bathroom for some toilet paper to blow your nose first. Blow your nose, a couple times, then wash your hands. Your hands are dry. No, like: the ‘they need lotion’ kind of dry, remember? The cut on your finger is dry, too. The skin that’s trying to heal is drying out: you should put some Neosporin on that. Your Neosporin is in the bedroom. Go to the bedroom for Neosporin. See the lotion first. Remember that your hands are dry. Put lotion on your hands. Remember that you were supposed to be taking your allergy meds. Do that. Tip your head all sideways and forward to swish the medicine around in there. It doesn’t even go down the back of your throat anymore, which was what you always hated most about nasal sprays.
Taking that’s going to make you sleepy. Did you make coffee earlier? Yes, right after your shower as you were thinking about how nice it feels to be finally getting something of a morning routine going, and being hopeful that this one would stick because you weren’t trying to force it this time. Just having decided to shower in the morning (as opposed to at night) had made a big difference in the whole start to your day, because your brain woke up several hours earlier than usual, and it felt really nice and peaceful. Which was weird and a little unnerving but not in an overwhelming or bad way. It’s actually a little exciting but you tamp that excitement down, letting it flow through rather than boil within, because too much excitement leads to obsession leads to burnout leads to abandoning the thing that’s making you happy right now.
Walk back toward the kitchen where the coffee maker is. Pass your computer, open on the dining room table. Think about trying to write all this down.
Realize you’re going to have to write this going backward, tracking yourself back through each thing in reverse order because otherwise you won’t remember but then you’ll probably lose the beginning or at least some of it but either way you’re losing an end by thinking about losing an end, so you decide to start backwards and then since this is typed, you can just put it in the right order when you’re done. *copy paste*
Start typing from the beginning. Get through thing 2 and write the end; you’ll work inward so that you can capture more of the things. Hopefully. And hopefully you won’t leave like, 2 things in the wrong order. Write the rest of it in the correct order. Until you get to this paragraph, and the one immediately before it, and it throws off the order of the memories presenting themselves and you have to sort it all out for a bit. In writing, with the copy and the paste.
Try to remember if you actually pored yourself a cup of coffee.
Try to locate said cup of coffee but fail to recall which mug it’s in. Look to your left for the 5th time. It’s next to your keyboard. The mug says “I’m a fucking lady.”
(Review the beginning of this essay. You’ve already forgotten most of that. Congratulations on capturing it! Mission success, even if you have zero recall of anything before the first line in this essay, and not a lot after that either. You’re reasonably sure you did take a shower though, even if you can’t remember the actual event. Now look for your coffee again. Oh it’s still on your left. Have you even drank any yet? Maybe you should.)
Post this to your substack, because that’s what you were working on, right?
What’s a discord server, and wouldn’t it be better to serve harmony??