This feeling of unease haunts me -
I’m a child’s toy
abandoned in a craftsman’s shop:
I do not belong here.
Restraints of station chafe me,
cause my heathen heart anxiety.
Demons gather in the cobwebs behind my thoughts -
hallucinations dance solid and sordid -
paralyzed, I cannot see -
cannot decide -
cannot hope -
cannot create -
cannot be.
The sun burns through my nights
and calls them home too quick;
I wake to the moon and the rising stars -
another dark day
to work through.
And now, in the aftermath:
wishing I could sleep
had a great night -
friends food family friskiness
disappearing into the fog,
falling away as my wheels roll into the dark,
putting miles between us
miles between us
pushing the emptiness foward
and drawing out that happpiness
like a poison.
Empty.
Like I want to start driving
anywhere
until I run out of gas
or run into a wall.
Empty.
With no thought in my head
because thoughts require heart
and hearts bleed freely
so very easily.
Empty.
Burning trash day, laundry day, cleaning day,
and I wonder…
If I told you I love you would you understand it’s in the cosmic sense? I love you like Jesus loves everybody Why do people assume that all love that isn’t family, is romantic? Didn’t there used to be different words for love? I heard the Greeks had so many. I wonder if that’s true now, or if it ever was. We lack those words and assumptions are evil.
Maybe if I wrote this in stanzas
you would read it
as fast as I think it
this train of thought
deserves its own rail
this stream deserves
its own mountain
to fall to tumble
to roll
cascading
through my sight
and
across your tongue
But anyway
I was wondering.
Why shouldn’t we be more clear?
The music caught me
and spun me around;
Put me at ease
and brought the world to its knees.
[‘It is what it is’
is all that I say.
The path I sought
has washed away.]
Pearls scrubbed to dirt -
irritants stripped of beauty -
the allure exposed,
their raw rank core
illicit
as moonshine:
sweet on the tongue,
but heavy in the telling,
intoxicating
and morbid.
Author’s note: these were written between 2007 and 2011(ish).